How to have sex

It depends what you mean by having sex. Having sex can sometimes mean a number of different sexual activities, but usually it means sexual intercourse. The most common definition of sexual intercourse is an act that involves a man putting his erect penis inside a woman's vagina. Sexual intercourse might also be used to refer to sex acts between two men or between two women.

Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman starts with them both getting sexually excited. This is sometimes referred to as foreplay, and might involve kissing and cuddling, touching each other and other sexual activities. Foreplay is important as it means a woman's vagina begins to get moist and a man gets an erection. If the woman's vagina does not get moist enough, then having sexual intercourse could be difficult or painful for her.

If a man and woman are having sexual intercourse, then using a contraceptive properly, every time, will prevent the woman becoming pregnant. There is more information on the contraceptive page.

If two people have sex (sexual intercourse) and one of them has a sexually transmitted disease (STD) then they could pass it on to the other person. Using a condom is the best way to prevent any infection from being passed from one person to the other.

If a couple are going to use a condom for protection against pregnancy or infections, they should put it on the man's penis as soon as he gets an erection. Some men say they worry about using condoms in case they lose their erection or have difficulty putting the condom on. You could get some condoms and practice beforehand. Condoms come with instructions in words and pictures which show exactly how to use them.

After the condom is on, the man or woman can guide his penis into her vagina. The couple then move their bodies so that his penis moves up and down inside her vagina. This usually rubs the penis and makes the man sexually excited so that he has an orgasm. The movement might also rub the woman's clitoris (or sensitive areas inside her vagina) so she can have an orgasm. But this depends on the position the couple are in when they have sexual intercourse.

Does having sex hurt?

The best way to ensure pain free sex is for both partners to relax and take their time.

Having sex does not usually hurt, though first time sex may be a bit uncomfortable for a woman because her hymen (a thin layer of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina) may be stretched or torn. This may cause a little bleeding, but it does not usually last long. Sex is not usually painful for a man.

After the first time, sex should become more comfortable. The vagina is very stretchy and will usually accommodate a penis (even a large one) with ease. However, a woman may experience pain when having sexual intercourse if her vagina does not produce enough natural lubrication. Extra vaginal fluids are usually produced when a woman becomes sexually excited to allow the penis to enter the vagina easily. If a woman is tense or rushing when she has sex, her vagina may not become moist enough to allow the penis to move in and out smoothly. Stress can also cause the muscles in the vagina to involuntarily tense up, making penetration difficult and painful. The best way to ensure pain free sex is for both partners to relax and take their time.

Extra lubrication might also help, and can be bought from many chemists and some supermarkets. When using a condom, it is very important that a water-based lubricant (like KY jelly) is used, as oil-based lubricants like Vaseline can cause the condom to disintegrate.

What 'counts' as losing your virginity?

Different people have different opinions on this, and some say there are different types of virginity. But most people generally agree that if a man has had penetrative sex, that is sexual intercourse, with a woman then he (or she) is no longer a virgin.

Which position is best for having sex?

There are quite a lot of different positions for sexual intercourse. One of the most common is the missionary position, where a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her. A man and woman might also lie on their sides, the woman may sit on top of the man, or she may kneel on all fours while the man puts his penis into her vagina from behind. If a couple are in a position where the woman's clitoris is not being stimulated, they can do this with their fingers.

Can a woman become pregnant even if she doesn't have sexual intercourse?

Yes. Pre-ejaculate (pre-come), the lubricating fluid that leaks out of a man's penis when he's sexually excited, can sometimes contain sperm. If pre-come or semen (come) get inside or around the entrance to the vagina, this can lead to pregnancy. They can also pass on a sexually transmitted infection.

Semen and pre-come can be transferred to the vagina on fingers or sex toys, so it's important to make sure they're clean and washed before they go anyway near a woman's vagina.